"love"

you don't love me.
you're in love with the idea of being in love with me.
you say your love is pure and unconditional yet
you force it down my throat like a bitter pill.
you say you would lay down your life for me yet
you would not hesitate to wound me, pain me and harm me. and take my life away from me.
if this is your idea of "love",
i don't want to be part of it any longer.
i thought i loved you, but i cannot see anymore the person i loved.

Goodbye.

burning away

I'm exhausted. Mentally. Physically. I know I brought this upon myself. Yet again, I don't know if I can finish my work. It gets harder and harder everytime. Guess age is catching up on me. No more stamina to go the distance. I knew I should have thought of myself first and not be concerned about what other people may feel. Why should I care about what others are stressing about? I should have handled my own stress first. At the end of the day, my problems are MY problems: no one will be there to help me out. Why should I help others if I don't stand to gain anything from it? Seriously, I am so tired of PEOPLE. This has been a terrible weekend, filled with things that should not have happened. After all the fun and laughter, I'm here alone, by myself, trying to clean up my own mess. My fault really.

I CAN'T STAND IT.

a day without train

Can one imagine the extent of inconvenience caused by the lack of train service between just two consecutive stations?

I must say that it's VERY inconvenient. What used to be a quick hardly-five-minute trip from lakeside to jurong east mrt station took around twenty mins at least. And it took another twenty min on the free shuttle service provided to reach clementi where normal train operations finally resume. Thats an additional 40mins of travelling time.

So thinking its smarter to just take bus service 154 straight to Clementi (since the bus stops right behind my block, so-to-speak), that was precisely what I did when I wanted to head to town today. Well, it wasn't such a smart move afterall.

Being the only bus that plies the Boon Lay to Clementi route, I don't understand why Sbs didn't make the bus frequency any earlier. Fifteen to twenty min interval between buses is just torturous. On top of that, there were plenty of smart, like-minded people like myself & thus, the buses were all packed to the brim with locals and foreign workers. I hardly managed to squeeze past the bus entrance doors.

I guess I shouldn't really be complaining so much since public bus services in many other countries pale in comparison to the system in singapore, but like many other singaporeans who are accustomed to the efficiency of Sbs and Smrt, the sudden lack of it is unnerving, and even frustrating.

Perhaps the best solution to minimise such disruptions in mrt services is to have a multi-prong approach instead of just, let's say, provide a free shuttle service to ferry passengers from one station to the next.

Am I making any sense? It's hard to think on an empty stomach.. I can't wait for the fasting month to be over.

daiso bananas

Sometimes, there are days when you think you can get so much done but when you're finally up and about, you realise that you can hardly complete half the things which you planned to do.

So that is the case with me today but I DID manage to go down IMM with my family and strike off stuff from our shopping list. And as the norm when we're at IMM, mummy just can't resist the temptation to drop by Daiso. The variety of things that are sold there is simply amazing. And it is the first time that I actually saw banana covers (if that's really the name for it) being sold:





I like yellow :) But honestly, who actually need banana protectors?? (ok, that sounds kinda wrong!!)

fried rice paradise

"fried rice paradise, nasi goreng very nice, that's a speciality, ninety-nine varieties!" 

I think I've known this song since I was a student in secondary school... back in the days when everybody knew Dick Lee as the Mad Chinaman and the composer for local productions like Beauty World, Snow Wolf Lake, Hotpants, Sing To The Dawn, etc. Nowadays, youths will probably recognise him as judge on Singapore Idol and composer of a couple of National Day songs and creative director of the National Day Parade on a few occasions.


Recently, I read the review of Fried Rice Paradise on Berita Harian and the writer made comparisons with Dick Lee's Beauty World which was re-staged in 2006. I didn't manage to catch the latter back then but I did watch it on television during the President's Star Charity in 1998, with Evelyn Tan, Sharon Au and Jacintha in the lead roles. Comparisons are inevitable since both are Dick Lee musicals which are rooted in Singapore culture and made use of plenty of Singlish in their libretto and script. Beauty World, I guess, is a more polished piece of work, having been around a little longer and since it's been re-staged a couple of times already, the one more commercially successful.

I think however, Fried Rice Paradise stands on its own, apart from Beauty World and although I never knew what the original Fried Rice musical was like, the re-working to update it to a 2010 audience, headlined by Singapore Idol 2004 winner Taufik Batisah, is a good, calculated move. Of course, opening during the fasting month is not such a great idea, considering the fact that Taufik, Rahimah Rahim and a few others of the cast are Malay Muslims. A mid-September opening would have been alot better.

I concede that the plot is very predictable, the songs are not as memorable as those in Sing To The Dawn, and the frivolous story is a far cry from the epic Forbidden City: Portrait of an Empress. But the only similarity to Beauty World is in its innocent, virginal heroine, the disco/nightclub scenes and the ah-beng hood-turned-good hero. Err.. maybe that's alot of similarities.

Fried Rice Paradise tries (too hard, perhaps?) to reflect Singapore's multi-racial background by having Rahimah Rahim, Hatta Said and Jacqueline Pereira as secondary characters. Unfortunately, I feel that they are non-essential to the main plot and are mostly around to provide comic relief. Even Taufik's character, Johan, is rather one-dimensional, and his "unrequited love" subplot, had no resolution whatsoever. Furthermore, from my vantage point at circle two, his voice seemed to blend too well with the 'live' orchestra and as a result, there were times when he sounds abit too soft or too muffled. Ok.. so maybe that's the fault of the sound engineers for not amplifying the actor's voice. Another flaw is the rushed finale which seemed very... rushed. Then suddenly, the protagonists have fallen in love and everyone's singing the title song.

I don't mean to sound critical and the show does have its redeeming factors. For instance, Taufik has one moment of glory within the show (hehe..) when he sings a lovely RnB ballad and his smooth as silk vocals really shine. We are once again reminded that he is an accomplished pop performer, but not really having the chops to be a Broadway star. Sebastian Tan and Denise Tan (or was it Celine Rosa Tan, the alternate, that I was watching that day? I really can't tell them apart...), though unconvincing as a pair of youths in love, have voices suited for singing musicals and their comic timing is impeccable. The secondary characters (Rahimah, Hatta, Jacqueline) do have their funny, memorable moments while the villains of the show are also commendable, such as  Darius Tan's nasal, over-the-top portrayal of night club owner Ricky Goh and Amanda Tee's hilarious interpretation of Campari, the night club hostess. She reminded me of an ah-lian version of Fran Drescher. The real surprise of the show was when Lim Yu Beng opened his mouth and sang.. I didn't know he could! And he had a very pleasant baritone too.

All in all, Fried Rice Paradise, like its protagonist, is an innocent crowd pleaser, with no noble aspirations and epic drama. It's family entertainment that is good enough to be enjoyed for an evening (though parents must know there are quite a number of rude dialect words being used) but probably not memorable enough to warrant a second viewing. With that said, Singaporeans should try to support local talent.--- my ratings: 3.5 / 5 stars!


ps. I wrote a similar entry almost five days earlier and thought I had successfully posted it using BlogPress on my iphone but unbeknown to me, there was a technical glitch and was never published. So that original entry is lost forever and a new one had to be posted.

out of the blue

I don't know why this year, I'm more worn out than usual from fasting. Maybe it's just another indication of old age. Or perhaps it's work stress; it is, afterall, common test week. I've realised that marking without my coffee-fix is very challenging.

Anyway, amid my stress and mad rush to complete my work on time, I came across this:




It made me smile for a full minute :)

my first YOG event

I am now at marina reservoir, babysitting my student spectators who are watching the rowing quarterfinals. Weather is abit dismal; it rained quite heavily when we arrived (and thus we got quite wet) but although the rain has stopped for now, skies are cloudy with no sign of sun.

Crowd is mostly made up of other students from various schools. They gamely shout, scream and wolf-whistle through all the events. I'm not sure if they are genuinely excited or simply ecstatic from being away from school and their classrooms.

At any rate, souvenir booth only accepts either cash or VISA. Tough luck as I only brought along my NETS, mastercard and ten bucks. And my poor kids are starving as refreshment booth doesn't sell anything else but breadrolls and chips which they've run out of within the first hour.

The day wouldn't have been that bad if it weren't for my bout of diarrhoea. It's subsiding but defecating in one of those blue portable toilets is definitely not a pleasant experience.

Oh well! All in a day's work for me!

it's mid-july and i'm missing june

Although my June hols wasn't much to rave about, I did manage to catch alot of TV, especially my favorite show, Ellen which airs on weekday evenings at 530pm. I don't know why I like Ellen so much. Yes, she's funny but really, sometimes the guests on her talk show aren't really that interesting. My ten-year old niece loves watching her too and blames me, (lovingly) for making her "addicted" to Ellen. Frankly, I think most of the jokes on the show flies over her head but she doesn't mind I guess as Ellen herself, as a celeb personality, is just visually interesting. My older sister, describes her as "kelakar seram". Hilariously scary.

That's not all I miss about June. I miss going to the gym and waking up late on days when I don't have CCA to oversee. I miss bringing my nieces out and talking to my mom while watching TV with her. I miss the feeling of not having to keep track of to-do lists in my head while trying to enjoy my mealtimes or not needing to keep on updating my iphone calendar with upcoming deadlines or important events.

It's only been 3 weeks since the start of the new term but I'm already looking forward to the next long weekend i.e. the National day weekend. Is there anything else to look forward to?

grumbling

It's Thursday morning. The third of week of June is coming to a close soon. That means the end of the holidays for me since I have to be back at work next week. Yes, first week of school is week after next but since teachers have not much of a work-life balance anyway, we are all expected to start our remedials, re-exams, meetings, etc, all by next week. Since first week of June is "burnt" at school, technically speaking, I have only the second and third to "enjoy" myself.

Actually, I haven't had much of a break yet. Similar to last year's June hols, I have to babysit my CCA twice a week in the morning, for three hours. At least. It's been raining alot lately... I hope today will be an exception because fine, gorgeous weather is important for my CCA to function well.

Like many other things in life, it's all in God's hands for now.

unchanged

You know the saying "change is the only constant"? Contrary to popular belief, there are certainly a number of things that never change.

mocha chips frappe

This is the first cup of cold coffee that I've had in a long time. (I've always felt that coffee is best appreciated when hot or warm only)

frust

I've changed my mind about the "low key reception" downstairs. Can't one actually sleep in on sundays in june anymore?? Why do malay weddings need to be so goddamn NOISY!!??? CUT THE SING-ALONG, for goodness sakes!!!

june is bustin' out all over

You know it's june when youths are out in full force almost everywhere you go. Happy, stress-free faces in jovial groups, decked in the latest street trends, making a nuisance of themselves in malls, wasting their parents' hard earned salary on movies and junkfood.

And malay weddings! Fortunately, the current reception at the multi-purpose hall near my block is rather low key (at the moment, at least). Not like the racket last weekend which had relatives singing karaoke from 10 in the morning til 8 in the evening, replete with a cavalcade made up of a couple of dozen of bikers revving up their engines and honking away in the afternoon, a troop of "kuda kepang" and kompang accompaniment for the chubby groom. I'd be surprised if nobody lodged a complaint with the police.

While on the subject of chubby, my worst enemy for now is my flabs which have been growing steadily with the passing months. Sure, I'm no longer the pale, skinny figure from eons ago but its kinda depressing to realise that you have to buy a new pair of pants yet again because you've just grown an inch wider at the waist.

And yes, I've been rather depressed lately due to other factors besides my undesirable weight gain. A couple of close colleagues at work have decided to call it quits and a couple of others will be transferred out -- unpleasant work experiences being root causes? Perhaps. And dismal passing rate of my Normal academic classes, growing expectations of superiors, lack of support for my CCA -- all add to my anxiety.This led to some level of insomnia and my feeling under the weather for the last couple of days.

Though I am not entirely bereft of work commitments for the next couple of weeks, I am still very glad that it's June.

food, glorious food! part 2

food, glorious food!

floating crap

Personally, I feel that people who do not flush properly after defecating are gross, inconsiderate and devoid of good manners.

For the umpteenth time at work this year, I was confronted by shit floating in the toilet bowl. It is probably not the fault of the culprit that his smelly remains are less dense than water BUT the least he could have done is ensure that most of it is flushed down properly!

t.i.r.e.d

Whenever I'm tired, I tend to picture the word "tired" in my mind, in big, black, bold letters (all CAPS! Times New Roman!) and sometimes, I even spell it out in my head over and over again like a mantra.

I don't know why I do it. I think it works against me somehow...

shrek forever after ... finally!

I've never been a fan of the Shrek movie franchise. I can't pinpoint the reasons. Maybe it's because I never liked Mike Myers, or Eddie Murphy's overwrought voice-over work as Donkey. Although I've watched all of the Shrek films (1 to 3), my memory of what they were about is rather dim. They never did leave a lasting impression on me. My favorite character, if there is to be one, would be Puss because I think it's genius for Antonio Banderas to be parodying himself from The Mask of Zorro.

Shrek Forever After seems like a tired re-tread at first with all the try-too-hard jokes which made me dislike the Shrek movies. However, the theme of mid-life crisis and wishing the grass is greener elsewhere is certainly something I can relate to. After the first 30 mins, the film got its groove and I started to even enjoy it. Interestingly, the scenes which are truly hilarious (to me, at least) are those that have Puss in them.

Cameron Diaz, as usual, brings the right amount of steel and sweetness into her characterization but the villains this time around (a very bratty Rumpelstiltskin and a mute Pied Piper) are weakly amusing.

I managed to catch Shrek Forever After in 3D and it's amazing how the audiences actually had their 3D glasses on all the way until the end credits rolled. My nose bridge was quite sore and I couldn't wait to get my glasses off! Frankly speaking though, How to Train Your Dragon was a much, much, MUCH, better 3D movie.

verbal vomit

Your exam paper is not worthy of even being my toilet paper! It's not worthy to wipe shit!

The excerpt above is just a tiny part of the five minute verbal vomit that I had in one of my classes yesterday morning. I apologize. I'm the worst "moulder of the future" there ever is because:

1) I always make resolutions to remain calm and objective but always get carried away by my emotions.

2) I can never stop my verbal vomit although I'm perfectly aware that it's doing more harm than good. And honestly, I just go on and on spouting nonsense until I finally realized what I was doing and calmed myself down...

But seriously, those kids really pissed me off. I was trying to make everyone understand that the reactivity series of metals can be easily recalled using a mnemonic which I've taught before, and then there they were, happily doing their own thing... i.e. chatting, sharing jokes, dozing... even after several reprimands. And mind you, three quarters of the class failed my subject! Apparently, the saying "learning from your mistakes" is alien to their childish minds. Can I help it then that I just went totally bonkers??

The funny thing was, although I was still piping mad after the verbal vomit, one of the malay boys who failed came up to me after class and told me frankly that he had "given up on chemistry." He proceeded to explain that he got drunk on sunday night and had a hangover on monday morning, the day of chemistry exam. What could one say after such a bold admission??!! I did manage though, to convince him that he had it in him to score a decent pass in chemistry. By the way, I was not making it up just to make him happy -- I really believed it too!

***********************
On a more serious note, I spent the last hour before sleep last night, thinking if teaching is indeed the right path for me. I had wanted it to be. But I think, after yesterday's incident, that it is not fated.

I guess it is my fault that I'm never "assertive" enough. Perhaps, I'm not cut out for this job. Or perhaps I'm simply not trying hard enough. Many times, I've asked God in prayers, to make me strong enough, but time and again, I'm faced with challenges that test my ideals and aspirations.

I've been morose the whole day of yesterday after it happened and am trying valiantly to just forget that the incident ever happened. But even when I woke up this morning, it was still at the fringes of my mind. I am disappointed that my kids did not make the effort to pass their chemistry -- I had hoped that they would "wake up" abit since the 'N' levels are just a few months away. I was disappointed, and disappointment leaves a very bitter aftertaste...

a piece of sky

I haven't been sleeping well lately. Sometimes I feel like my head is going to burst open. I just wish I could lie down, stare at the sky, and --- stop thinking!

howler

Despite being only two-thirds through one class and another one more to mark, I'm taking a breather now because I realised I haven't had dinner. So since this is an official meal break, why not blog too? ;)

Anyhow, thought of uploading this:


It's too funny NOT to blog about it! Well, I must concede that even something as drab and monotonous as marking has its highlights...

colorful

I wanted to post this entry last friday but something else came to mind. Anyway, the welfare committee at work invited a pen vendor (namely, Pilot) to come over to sell their wares (at exclusive prices, of course) and a handful of female colleagues went ga-ga over their new range of multi-colored gel inserts that came with their multi-ink pen series called Coleto.


Step 1: Choose a pen barrel, which comes in some very nifty transparent colors, and four different pen inserts/refills that are not only funky to look at, but have some funky names too, like cherry red, baby pink, crystal blue, apricot orange... and there's even a mechanical pencil insert!


Step 2: Put them all together and hey, presto! -- four pens in one! A color to suit every mood and occasion~! ;)


Actually, I already have something similar from Muji but I just got carried away by the hype and bought one for myself too. Really, shopping is a great and effective way to relieve stress!

monday blues

It's pretty easy for me to get diarrhoea. Apparently the men in my family have very sensitive digestive systems. I love to drink milk and eat (reasonably) spicy food (I can't live without sambal cili or chilli sauce), but these are the very sort of foodstuff that would surely give me tummy aches the morning after & multiple visits to the loo.

I had such an experience this morning & thought a self-awarded "off" day is ok since all I'll be missing at work is a quarter and an hour's worth of invigilation. I decided to be abit frugal and went to the nearby polyclinic instead of my usual private GP.

Time obtained queue number for registration: 830am

Time registered and obtained queue number for doctor's consultation: 9am

Time of doctor's consultation: 1020am

Number of patients seen by doctor before myself: grand total of FIVE

mood of doctor: apathetic, uncaring and insensitive

mood of yours truly: meekly subdued & sullenly silent on the outside, seething like Mount Krakatoa before cataclysmic explosion on the inside

Time obtained queue number at pharmacy: 1030am

Time I FINALLY left polyclinic: 1050am

Total duration of time wasted: 2hours 20mins

Cost of consultation, medication & most importantly, mc: $0

Lesson learnt: Patience is a virtue especially when one is trying to be economical.

sunday night tv

You must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is just a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by

Casablanca, starring Humphrey Bogart and the luminous Ingrid Bergman, has the fifth most quoted movie line of all time, which is "Here's looking at you, kid." I studied the film for my cross-fac module back during my uni days and watching it again just now, (while marking my papers of course) made me realise that the film is full of quotable quotes. Much like how P Ramlee films are for Malay movie buffs.

Before that, caught the repeat telecast of Renovaid, which I think provided a very insightful look into the lives of the less fortunate of Singapore. Kudos to the show's producers for coming up with the show, which, though not an original concept, is something very different for English-speaking audiences. Really, the show is quite heart-wrenching to watch.

Anyway, I'd better get back to my markings. I still have one more class to go before tomorrow's batch comes in. Sigh...

cheeky

"cher, where are you going?"

"I'm heading to the restroom."

"You need me to accompany you?"

"NO!!"

Sometimes these kids really test the limits of my patience with their extreme laziness & obstinacy. But I gotta admit that they can be damn hilarious too. It certainly made me smile. At least for awhile... :)

we are all voyeurs at heart

The world wide web being at our fingertips means that information can literally travel at the speed of ..err... how fast you can tap the ENTER button on your keyboard.

Pretend to sleep in the MRT (so that there is no obligation to give up your seat) when an elderly person is standing right in front you -- someone, somewhere may be discreetly (or not so discreetly) snapping a photo of you and your unassuming countenance may appear on STOMP by evening time. And if the aforementioned "paparazzi" has a mobile data plan, then he could even upload said photo in mere seconds.

Now, whenever I am caught doing something foolish in public by friends or colleagues, someone will quickly remark, "Later you appear on STOMP then you know!"

However, I am not one of those individuals who take time out daily to check out what STOMP has to offer (fancy an expose on people who lean their backs on the vertical railings on the train?) but recently, there was a piece on Yahoo news about a male teen from a certain school that assaulted a female friend in a lift. Someone filmed the incident and posted it on youtube, which was subsequently posted on Facebook by someone else, found its way on STOMP, and of course, it quickly caught the eye of local journalists. I mean, teenage assault in a public lift, in identifiable school uniforms no less. This was certainly fodder for the press and definitely WILL cause a public outcry.

A couple of disturbing facts about the video:

1) Boy was frequently slapping girl and slamming her head against wall of lift. Her reaction? Quite mild protestations. She was mostly concerned with smoothing out her hair.

2) Person videotaping the incident did not do anything at all. Was this person the director of this very dramatic incident, leading most to believe that it was all staged? Or is it just another manifestation of society's sad habit of preferring to be voyeurs rather than do-ers?

inertia

This is four classes worth of markings.





After this weekend, it'll be just two more days to Marking Day & consequently, to the end of the exams. Five classes worth of my marking load came in yesterday & 3 more on Monday. Can I finish all that by next Wednesday? Yes, I CAN because I MUST!

One would think that marking is the bane of my existence but on the contrary, it's not. What really, really sucks about teaching is when you have to handle stubborn, disrespectful teens AND stubborn, hard-to-please superiors day in and day out. That would surely drive me bonkers.

But I digress. The point is, I dislike marking & I hate the feeling of not knowing if I can complete my work by the given deadline.

As the saying goes, if I can't meet the deadline, then I'm as good as dead. lol

mee siam

What I really love sometimes is a plate of nice, traditional, mee siam. Sadly, my mother, though she is one of the most amazing cooks in the world, doesn't really make hers spicy enough for my taste buds, mainly because not many in my family have high tolerance for spicy food.

I love mine abundant with greens and just a little sprinkling of fresh, crunchy, bean sprouts. With boiled egg and a dash of sambal, some yummy mee siam is all I need to cheer me up on a dismal morning.

it rained today

Attention please; the platform floor is wet. Please walk carefully.

blogging again

I can't believe that it has been almost FIVE whole months since my last entry. The most cliched of phrases, "how time flies", couldn't more true.

Looking back on these five months, alot of things have happened. There had been laughter. There had been tears. There had been moments when I felt as though life is not worth living anymore. There had been moments when I felt so glad to just be alive.

I've heard it said somewhere that change is the only constant. But then, there had been moments when I was more than a tad frustrated that things have NOT changed with the passing of the years.

I have been very tempted to start a new blog... either with tumblr (which is quite hot at the moment) or wordpress. But after much thought, I decided that I should just stick to my blogspot.

Sometimes, I think it pays to make up your mind and stick steadfastly to something. It shows tenacity or strength of mind. But then again, some people may call it simply foolish stubbornness.